$$

leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

mitchdahbitch:

occupation: ugly friend

officialfrenchtoast:

cool date idea:

1. come over to my place with your dog

2. leave your dog

3. go home

fuckoffcishets:

occupation: the family disappointment

fifth-mayy:

'are you as bored as I am' can be read from back to front and still make sense